http://blog.gilmalonzo.com/ Help the world help yourself. en-us Nucleus CMS v3.41 ?2007 Gil Malonzo Weblog http://backend.userland.com/rss http://blog.gilmalonzo.com//nucleus/htwhy.jpg http://blog.gilmalonzo.com/ http://blog.gilmalonzo.com/index.php?itemid=61 not because Rod Stewart or Credance Clearwater Revival wants to know. I'm not referring to the Korean R&B phenom Rain (Jung Ji Hoon) as well.

Since I already know how most of us native non-English speakers have problems grasping "idiomatic expressions", I'm not asking just to see if you're as bad as me in taking these things too literally as well.

To: Mrs. Sarah Jones
From: Gil's Mom
Subject: RE: Your Son is a Jerk!

Please forgive my son, Gil. I'm sure he wasn't being disrespectful
with your young and precious daughter. Gil's sense of humor is
often misunderstood. It's not in his nature
to be robbing a small newborn baby from the cradle.

While my best impression of my mom's email reply to another concerned mother may sound funny, this email is proof and shows the natural instincts of mothers. I hope you see how mothers have the tendencies to be over-protective with their children at times. It doesn't matter if their child is a middle-aged man. I won't be surprised if I get comments especially from those who know me closely, "LOL Gil, you're really a jerk (and crazy, as usual). There is nothing wrong with your mom's email!"

But really, have you ever seen the rain? I may again come to sound arrogant but I'm really not asking a question either. I'm giving you an answer. I'm merely just stating a response to those who still think I'm crazy.

Many who read my last article "Tank Man Tanked" are still somewhat confused about me. Not only did they missed to see the eye-opening lessons and deeper meanings behind my comedy but I think some have actually convinced themselves that I?ve lost my mind.

Who can blame them? Here I am talking about God, faith, religion and yet I seem to find no problem in mocking or making fun of Jesus. This article will hopefully clear any misconceptions of my true nature or stance when it comes to faith or religion. Am I believer or am I an Atheist?

Does it really matter? Only if you're interested in finding out why I know you can be a believer and non-believer at the same time. Please don't tell me I'm Agnostic or that there is no such thing as a being believer and non-believer at the same time. Unless, of course, if you want me to start telling you why there is no such thing as "rain."

]]> Articles http://blog.gilmalonzo.com/index.php?itemid=61 Fri, 17 Aug 2007 18:42:33 -0700 http://blog.gilmalonzo.com/index.php?itemid=60 Hello and welcome to one of the most popular "real-life" personal blogs on the Internet. This blog contains the journals of an intelligent but broken man.

Barely able to speak proper English, he sets out to find the way to the very same place he claims to exist nowhere else except here on Earth.

He aims to prove to everyone that this mythical and science fiction idea made up by scientists known as "parallel / multiple universe" will help guide him back to his heaven. His search is made more complicated by adding his own interpretation of the "M-Theory" into the mix while claiming you, his God, and the God you worship are but one and the same. These out of this world ideas and his offers of unsolicited assistance to anybody he meets along the way does nothing but annoy and anger all the Gods including the God in you.

Watch (just like what every one else in his life could only do) as all the Gods known to man get together and combine forces to cast the greatest and mother of all wraths on this mans lonely life. Will he make it back to paradise? I personally don't think there's a chance in hell.

"Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome my dear friend, the crazy man himself, Mr. 911..."
]]> Articles http://blog.gilmalonzo.com/index.php?itemid=60 Sun, 29 Jul 2007 14:16:05 -0700 http://blog.gilmalonzo.com/index.php?itemid=57 Welcome to my blog.

My name is Gil and that is the "truth". I can't do anything if my name looks like "911". Could it be a coincidence, fate, illusion, or purpose in life? This blog will show you why "YOU" are God as well as why people think I'm crazy : )

Anyway, I'm sorry to burst your iPhone frenzied activity day. If you have not bought one yet... "GOOD!" Coming from a Mac geek (I've learned this from my die hard Mac friends) no matter how cool you want to look, don't ever, ever buy anything on its first release.

If you bought an iPhone, you may just end up using it until 7/7/7 because on Wednesday, July 4, 2007 the new "911" will occur. Stop and pause at exactly 11:11 A.M. (P.S.T.) because like "911" you'll need to remember what you were doing on "747".

Then, three days later, on July 7, 2007, U.S. will be dropping the nuclear bombs on the countries that hosts these terrorists.

How do I know these things? Well, I am the "antichrist." Come along now. Bring your love ones and pets if you want to know what all these great religions mean when they say the word "save".

It's time to remember the lessons we've learned from "911"... Wait, does that mean "my" life lessons?
]]> Articles http://blog.gilmalonzo.com/index.php?itemid=57 Fri, 29 Jun 2007 11:11:00 -0700 http://blog.gilmalonzo.com/index.php?itemid=56 Have you ever wondered what your epitaph might say after you die? For my non-English as a third language speaking fans (Hi Mom!), an "epitaph" is something you find inscribed on tombstones. Mine would likely say:

Here lies the body of
Gil Malonzo II
He died due to excessive drinking.

How do I know this you might ask? It's not really because I could see in the future but it's because I can see in the past.

After my last sentimental article, "The Best In The West", I broke down and was emotionally taken back by memories of my own father. I suddenly felt what every man is afraid to tell the world. You see, deeply seated in our manly bossoms there is this effeminate instinct or emotion that often bubbles up but that we try so hard to suppress.

Somehow, I suddenly felt compelled to let my close friends in on my closely guarded closet secret. I mean, not just my Friendster friends, but my real first degree friends. I don't have to hide anymore. I felt empowered to say that "I'm not gay" because frankly... I AM NOT!

I was just too shy to let my guard down and tell them that I secretly blog from my walk-in closet in my Power Ranger PJ's with my geeky propeller thinking cap on. That and my less than college level standard writing skills. Did I spell that right?
]]> Articles http://blog.gilmalonzo.com/index.php?itemid=56 Mon, 25 Jun 2007 01:11:04 -0700 http://blog.gilmalonzo.com/index.php?itemid=55 I hope you all had a wonderful Father's Day. It's rare that I celebrate two special days of my own right after the other. Like my birthday on Saturday, Father's Day was also a quiet one for me. We visited our father whose story and video of his life I will be sharing with you today.

They say that the fruit doesn't fall far from the tree. Some may say that indeed I'm a "fruit" allright, the fruit that fell and hit a big rock. If you know me in person, you may see how much my dad and I look very much alike especially when he was in his younger years.

You may find this crazy, not that you already do, but it was actually from my father from which I learned what there really is in the afterlife. I know when my father is kidding but when your father tells you these kinds of things after he has actually passed away, maybe you too would probably find this very difficult to ignore.

Anyway, if you are interested, this blog is dedicated to this great universal knowledge. A knowledge that very few people, including myself, can even fully comprehend.

You'll be learning more about this knowledge through very personal life stories of my own as the days go by. Perhaps until we come to that invisible fork in the universe's road.

I'm thinking that you may know me more if I start telling you all about my father first. This article contains a short eulogy, biology, and a tribute video.

Belated Happy Father's Day to all the fathers in the world especially to my own, "The Best In The West!"


]]> Articles http://blog.gilmalonzo.com/index.php?itemid=55 Mon, 18 Jun 2007 23:05:13 -0700 http://blog.gilmalonzo.com/index.php?itemid=54
I'm sure you've seen this collection of five inspiring stories in one form or another, maybe through cards, letters, websites, or email - most likely in the form of spam chain mail. I don't believe, and in fact, abhor chain email because I know there are people out there like me who already go through hundreds of junk email. There's something you may not know, however. There's a reason behind these chain letter/email madness. In the scheme of things, and this universal law of attraction that I ramble about, these chain emails should work but I digress.

In any case, instead of me giving in and forwarding this to ten of my unwitting friends why don't I give you the option to read them. I hope you find them inspiring as well.
]]> Articles http://blog.gilmalonzo.com/index.php?itemid=54 Sat, 16 Jun 2007 23:22:40 -0700 http://blog.gilmalonzo.com/index.php?itemid=53 It's "616" not "666", you doorknobs!

Please promptly shut your computer down. Stay away from the Internet! I have complete hold of your mind now. I will forever rule your world and will keep talking inside that head of yours from here on. Amen.

Do you ever wonder why they say "amen" and not "a-women"? That's because we sing "hymns" and not "hers".

I apologize for this bad and old recycled joke. I have to tell you though, If there's one thing that I have that my long dead brother, Jesus, doesn't, it would be sense of humor. If you're a Christian like I think I'm not, Jesus has a message for you. Jesus says he will not be coming back again. The only way he would come back is if everyone in this world gets converted first, not to Christianity but to ash.

All these pent up anger over the years seems to make me feel tired all the time. When I come back from my short nap, I want you to make sure that you have read this link - "The Best Page In The Universe". If you don't, I will make sure that this coming July 7 (07/07/07) will turn out to be a bad day at the casinos instead of a "777 - good luck" one. [Thank you Jesus, thank you]

]]> Articles http://blog.gilmalonzo.com/index.php?itemid=53 Fri, 15 Jun 2007 14:45:10 -0700 http://blog.gilmalonzo.com/index.php?itemid=52 If you got here looking for the Personal Development for Smart People, Mr. Steve Pavlina is just one door up. Thanks for stopping by. Please come again.

Updated: JUNE 16, 2007

To my regular readers, I welcome you back. I can really see the excitement building up. Some of you are starting to see the (real) magic I've been rambling about since I started this blog. Some are still anxiously awaiting, while others are just anxious to know if I'm still around. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

So how's your world coming along? Surprisingly only one brave soul came forward to say something about my previous and highly controversial article - Is It Rude To Point? Unfortunately, the comment was a little bit unfavorable. I was told that I was so dumb and stupid I really should just think about going back where I came from. How could I not think about risking so many more lives by giving terrorists and would be terrorists ideas like that?

That was a valid point, indeed. I'm glad that someone read and made a reaction to that article. Score 2! (2 factorial). Crazy as it may sound, the more people that become aware (and yes, even the terrorists) the better chance that we're likely to miss another major terror attack in this lifetime. Whether you agree with me or not I'm letting you know now that as long as you keep up with me you will get what you ask for. We've all been here before.

Some of the other things I will be sharing with you in this article includes invaluable universal life skills and knowledge such as:

- How you can have your cake and eat it too.
- Folks other than the terrorists that never sleep
- Not all mushrooms are edible.
- Death, taxes, and 72 virgins.
- Chain email you can actually ignore (nobody dies even if you don't send it out to five of your friends)
]]> Articles http://blog.gilmalonzo.com/index.php?itemid=52 Wed, 6 Jun 2007 03:30:11 -0700 http://blog.gilmalonzo.com/index.php?itemid=51 Unless you're a caricature of Uncle Sam, I would agree that pointing is rude. Never mind where you stick or what you pick with that finger, but pointing at someone is usually taken to mean that you?re asserting control over another person [who is situated in the general direction of your finger].

However, my question really is? ?Would it equally be rude if you point with your brain??

"Uh, what?"

In my previous blog post article ? ?Terrorists Among Us?, many readers were quick to ignore the point I made regarding an obvious major threat. A terrorism threat with the size of a hydroelectric dam that we here in ?Sacramento? (and California, for that matter) take lightly and feel adequately secured with. ?It would never happen!?

Most readers even got offended and gave that article a ?negative? karma mark. I don?t have any problems with that. In fact, that was what I was afraid was going to happen. It?s probably just like what the terrorists would hope for -- ignore the whole article and call the writer a ?psycho.?
]]> Articles http://blog.gilmalonzo.com/index.php?itemid=51 Fri, 1 Jun 2007 13:01:28 -0700 http://blog.gilmalonzo.com/index.php?itemid=50 Terrorists are active all over the world. They will attack any country that goes against their beliefs. Terrorists believe in only one demented truth. They hate life and love death. [Thanks Mr... huh? A mountain goat?]

?Mmmmeeeeelp?? I wonder why it keeps saying ?mmmmeeeelp? over and over again? Maybe my fourth and the one and only true universal language might help -- ?Ouldcay ouyay easeplay elltay emay owhay ouyay areway Mray. Oatgay?? It still doesn?t understand me. I wish there was such a thing as Goat Latin. I hope this goat will not be my only ghostwriter for today. It won't be of much use. It looks like it even wants to eat this whole article up in hopes that no one finds out about the real "secret" behind the bad comedy and humorous grammar.

I borrowed the idea of the title from my younger sister?s recent article called ?Savior/s Among Us? where she expressed her thoughts on these mother and calf humpback whales that recently found their way into our suburban backyards.

In today's article, I will explain how it's possible that laws of physics (bending space and time) and not earth's magnetic fields could be the real reason why these whales got lost (i.e. lost in time). Could they really be thinking that they are actually swimming in a much bigger body of water? I know these things instinctively or else my name would not often be misspelled as "Gill".

You will also understand the real meaning of ?E Pluribus Unum? ? my favorite quote which stands for ?In Difference We Are One.? -- Whether you are a terrorist or not.
]]> Articles http://blog.gilmalonzo.com/index.php?itemid=50 Tue, 22 May 2007 18:23:28 -0700